You’ve shared birthdays, holidays, graduation, weddings, and so many more of life’s most precious moments. Now, you and your siblings share the responsibility of caring for your newly dependent parent. Though it can be stressful to make life-altering decisions on behalf of your parent, coming together as a family to address your parent’s needs can also be an opportunity to renew unity and family intimacy.
Susan Berger, Marketing Director of Belmont Village Senior Living, in Westwood, California, offers sage advice for families thinking about transitioning their dependent parent into a senior community living arrangement.
• Plan ahead—Too often, families wait for a catastrophe before they make that “ultimate” decision to find a senior living community for their loved one. They just don’t want to face it or are in denial that their parent is slipping. They wait until something bad happens, and then it’s a knee-jerk decision based not out of the best choice, but rather, on who has the first opening. Typical signs your parent may be ready for a senior living community include becoming less fastidious than usual, less social, not going out of the house, or not keeping up with the grocery-shopping or eating enough. The changes may be subtle, but these things could indicate that things are changing for your parent, and they may need a less isolated environment.
• Involve your parent—Along with your siblings, it’s important to involve the parent in the decision-making—not in the beginning. You should narrow the choices down to the top three communities, and then bring your loved one along for the tour so they know your family is guiding the decision, but the ultimate decision is theirs.
• Anticipate Resistance—Your parent may say, “I’m fine. I want to stay in my home. This is where I want to be.” We all prefer what is familiar to us and wonder, “What will the new environment be like? How will I fit in?” I work with and counsel reluctant parents to help them feel the decision is theirs. This makes for a smoother transition. I tell them, “Try it. See if you like it.” Coaching them through the process without too much pressure allows them to have a choice.
• Consider Finances—At Belmont Village, we have several price-point options to help accommodate many different budgets. Long-term health insurance will usually reimburse residents that live in assistance living. There are varied sizes
of apartments, and when care becomes more important, then the resident may decide to scale-down on the size of their apartment to stay within their budget.
According to Berger the best thing about senior living communities like Belmont Village is the social opportunity they offer an aging parent.
“When they live here, they are around their peers and learning new things every day,” she says. “They have the opportunity to be social at meals instead of sitting at a table in front of the TV. They keep the conversation going. When there is peer involvement, their friends invite them to go to exercise or to the book club or a movie. They simply do not have these opportunities living alone. Kids who are in the “sandwich generation” with families of their own might not be able to visit their parent more than once or twice a week—and that is not enough.”
Berger says life in a good senior community can be like living on a cruise ship, with many different dining and entertainment choices each day. There is a lot of interaction between the residents and staff, and there are numerous types of activities offered each week. Busses transport the residents to movies, lunches, dinners, doctor appointments, and shopping.
“These are things they couldn’t do when they were isolated in their homes and unable to drive. Where they were previously dependent on their adult children for those things, now they go places with friends.”
Small cats and dogs are welcome at Belmont and many other senior living communities, and residents are encouraged to bring their own furniture to make their living spaces feel more like home.
“Here, the parent is involved in a community. Life is good and worth living again. There are reasons to get dressed and put makeup on every day. These are the things that keep someone feeling alive and young,” says Berger.